What The War Gave Us
by BooksNotBoys
Summary: When Steve shows up on the Curtis's porch long after his tour is over, broken and empty, Ponyboy must help him. But can he save Steve from the hell inside of himself? And what happens we he starts to develop feelings? (AKA: This Started Out As Smut)
1. Chapter 1: Return

**I'm not really sure what this is. It started out as a few smut scenes, but I have a lot of emotions, so this is now it's own story. Not sure how long it will be, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.**

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When Soda died in the war, Ponyboy felt he could fall apart.

His memories of that time are hazy - there was a funeral, and many, many tears. According to Darry, they made it all the way back home before Pony reacted; he'd dropped to the ground like a ton of lead in a dead faint, and Darry nearly had a heart attack. If it hadn't been for Two-Bit keeping his cool and getting both boys in the house, Darry hadn't known what he would of done. Ponyboy started sleeping on the floor of his bedroom, unable to handle the cold spot next to him in bed.

Darry cracked, somewhere deep inside, aging years right before Pony's eyes. They fought less before, but now they don't fight at all. Pony does whatever Darry says, when Darry has the presence of mind to tell him to do something. Their only fight happens when Ponyboy gets a job, a part-time gig at a bookstore not too far from their house. Darry nearly turns blue in the face yelling, and Ponyboy is no better, but the anger doesn't last long, and by nightfall, they're curled up in Darry's bed, grieving for their lost brother. Soda asked them not to fight, so they won't.

Two-Bit came and went like a ghost. He and Darry get into a fight not long after Soda dies, and it makes Ponyboy so upset that he shuts down for a week. Two-Bit tries to stay his happy-go-lucky self, but Ponyboy sees right through him, sees the ache the never ceases, just like the rest of them. He no longer watched Mickey Mouse on their TV, doesn't joke as much, if at all. He mostly curls up on the couch, beers nearby, staring off into space, tears sometimes running down his face. Darry sits with him, shares a beer or two, and even though they don't always talk, Pony can see that it helps. Every once in a blue moon, Two-Bit shows up banged up and bruised, still seething from whatever fight he found himself in. Ponyboy fears the road his friend is headed down, and says as much in only the way he can while patching Two-Bit up. Two-Bit stops Pony's hands then, gult trickling into his heart when he sees them shaking. "I ain't like Dally, Ponyboy. I'm torn up, but I wouldn't leave y'all like that."

Ponyboy wants to believe him, but he's seen what grief can do to people, what grief has done to _him,_ but Two-Bit has never let him down, so he just nods, cleaning Two-Bit up before giving him a blanket to rest.

The real ghost, though, is one Steve Randle.

Nobody in town really knew what day Steve actually got back, and some even thought he'd died. His tour had long since been up. It was Ponyboy who found him on the porch, sleeping, eyes squeezed shut and teeth grinding. Pony shook him, jumping back when Steve swung at him, sitting up and blinking.

"Ponyboy." Steve's voice was rough.

"What're you lyin' out here for? You could have lie down on the couch."

Steve shrugged. "Can I get a glass of water?"

Ponyboy nodded, going inside and dropping his backpack near the couch. He grabbed a glass from the kitchen cabinet, filling it up in the sink and taking it back out to the porch. Steve thanked him quietly, draining the glass as Ponyboy sat down beside him.

"When'd you get back?"

"To Tulsa? Days ago."

"Where you been?"

"Around."

Ponyboy turned to look at the older man, took in the dark circles under his eyes, the blankness in his face. On the outside, he looked pretty normal, wearing his usual denim vest with no shirt underneath. There were scars on his arms.

"Steve?"

He grunted.

"You hungry? I gotta do my homework, but I can get you something before I do."

Steve turned to look at him, his face unreadable. "You got any chocolate cake?" he whispered.

Ponyboy trekked back to the kitchen, fetching a slice of cake and another glass of water.

When he put the plate down, Steve's eyes widened. His hands shook as he picked up a piece, shoving it in his mouth and groaning, eyes rolling back. Pony watched him scarf down the cake for a second before retreating into the house to do his homework.

The front door banged open just as he was finishing up, and Ponyboy went to see who it was. It was Darry; his eyes were wide, his face pale.

"Darry?"

"Steve."

"What about him?"

"He's on the porch."

"I know. He's been there a while."

Darry shook his head slowly. "He… I can't believe he made it out alive."

Ponyboy knew what he meant. Families all over town were having their boys snatched, receiving letters to let them know that those same boys had been lost. The letter announcing Soda's death was tucked into Ponyboy's copy of "Gone With the Wind," right next to Johnny's note.

"Tried to get him to come in, but he said he prefers the porch." Darry shook his head again. "I'm gonna shower. Your turn to cook." He loped past Ponyboy to the bathroom. Pony went back out to the front.

Steve was sitting in the exact same spot, and Ponyboy could see chocolate smeared on his hands. He didn't turn around when Pony spoke.

"You staying for dinner, Steve? I'm cooking. Baked chicken and mashed potatoes."

Steven shrugged. "If it ain't too much trouble."

"None at all. You gonna eat out here, too?"

"I like it out here. Reminds me of the good times." his voice sounded far away.

Ponyboy didn't pry, didn't want to. He only took the empty plate and glass and deposited them in the sink before taking a damp towel out to Steve to clean himself up. He went back to the kitchen and began prepping dinner.

Eventually, Darry wandered into the kitchen, digging around in the fridge. He sat down at the table with a glass of juice.

"How long he been in town?"

"Couple'a days, according to him."

"Damn. Where's he been?"

"Around."

Darry grunted, picking up the newspaper he'd abandoned that morning. Pony continued with dinner.

There was a small commotion outside, and next thing they knew, Two-Bit came flying in, eyes wide and smiling. "Steve!" was all he said, and Ponyboy smiled a bit in spite of himself. "When'd he get here?"

"He was lyin' on the porch when I home. Won't come inside."

Two-Bit frowned. "Did he say why?"  
He said it reminds him of the good times."

A look of understanding passed over Two-Bit and Darry's faces, and Ponyboy wished he understood. Two-Bit sat down.

"That boy has war in his eyes." Two-Bit said, and Darry grunted in agreement. Ponyboy tuned them out, his mind going to school. He was doing well, even after everything he missed when Johnny and Dally died. He'd made it into college, one in Tulsa, but Ponyboy wasn't sure he wanted to go. They couldn't afford it, even with an athletic scholarship he'd won. He was a track star, but he was a realist, and he knew Darry was drowning in bills and school loan statements would only make it worse. Maybe if he took a break and saved some money from his job first. Or published a book. Ponyboy started with the realization that the option was still available to him. He hadn't written anything important since he'd turned in his composition - he'd gotten an A on it, and his teacher had been so impressed that he'd gotten a B- instead of the promised passing C. The composition sat in his room, untouched after all that time. He could publish that - no. His friends lives weren't a cash-grab. The composition had been therapeutic for Ponyboy. To publish it felt _wrong._

"Ponyboy?"

Ponyboy jumped, looking at his brother. He and Two-Bit were staring at him, both concerned. It was then he realized the kitchen timer was beeping. He spun around, turning off the timer and pulling out the chicken. Thankfully, it wasn't burned.

"You doing okay, Pone?" Darry asked.

Ponyboy stirred the potatoes. "Yeah, was just thinking about college."

Darry perked up. "Oh yeah, did you hear back from any of the schools?"

Ponyboy froze, spoon in hand. "Actually I did, but I wanted to talk to ya about it."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"I don't think I want to go to college-"

"What?" Ponyboy flinched at his brother's shout. He knew this would happen. Darry continued. "Why in God's name wouldn't you?"

Pony put the spoon down turning to face the table. Two-Bit's eyebrows were nearly in his hairline, and he looked concern. Darry's brows were scrunched together.

"Can we sit and talk about this? I don't want to fight." Ponyboy's voice cracked on the last word, and he could see the pain flash in Darry's eyes. Immediately, the older boys face softened.

"Yeah. C'mere. Let's talk."

Pony turned of the stove, moving the potatoes to a cool eye before sitting down at the table.

"Why don't you want to go to college anymore, Ponyboy?" Two-Bit murmured.

Ponyboy shook his head. "I was gonna say, I don't think I want to go to college _right now._ Even with an athletic scholarship, we can't afford it right now. I wanna work a little bit first, put some money away. I can work full time for bit, bring in a little more money for classes and bills."

A myriad of emotions passed over Darry's face, and Ponyboy waited with bated breath for his answer. Finally, Darry swallowed.

"Pony… It's not that I don't think that would work…" Darry's voice broke a bit, and Ponyboy's eyes widened in alarm.

"Be honest with me Darry, what is it?"

"Oh, honey… I just don't want them to get their hands on you."

Two-Bit and Ponyboy shared a look. It wasn't hard to figure out who "them" was. Darry was hardly ever bitter about anything, but any time anyone mentioned the government or the war, Darry's eyes got cold and his jaw clenched. The night they lay together, missing their middle brother, Darry had grabbed onto Ponyboy's shirt, saying, "to think, I was always worried about losing you, and it's Soda who slips through my fingers." Ponyboy knew Darry blamed himself for Soda's death, even though there was nothing he could have done - fighting it would have put all of them in danger.

"If you go to college, you can get a student deferment. They won't draft you. You'll be safe, at least for a little while longer."

"Yeah, but if we go bankrupt, we'll be in a whole 'nother mess."

"I can help."

Darry and Ponyboy turned to Two-Bit. He was looking down at his hands, face solemn. He looked up at them. "Actually, it's why I came over. I… I realized that I wasn't much help after Johnny and Dallas died, then when Soda did, and -" he swallowed, voice getting choked. "Guess it's to grow up some time. I got a job."

The Curtis boys nearly keeled over in shock. "You, a job?" sputtered Darry.

Two-Bit gave a small smile. "Yeah. Nothing major, just a sign twirling job for a sandwich shop. They pay is pretty good though."

"We can't ask you to do that, Two-Bit. That money will do your mom and sister better than it does us."

"I already talked to her about it, and she thinks it's a good idea, 'specially since I'm here all the time. She wants Ponyboy to be in college, too."

"Keith-"

"No. I wanna help you guys. You're my family, too. And if any of us has the best chance of getting out here, it's Ponyboy. Please?" They hadn't seen Two-Bit this worked up since Soda's funeral, and Ponyboy almost felt bad for his suggestion.

"Okay," he said, "Nevermind. I'll go."

Ponyboy could see Darry try to hide his sigh of relief, and his heart hurt. He reached over, squeezing his brother's hand before going to finish the potatoes. Darry got up to set the table and coax Steve inside. Two-Bit slumped down at the table.

"Hey, Two-Bit?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"You're a real pal."

Two-Bit looked up. Ponyboy rubbed his arms.

"You're wrong. You did a lot to help us when everything happened. Darry and I probably would have fallen apart if you hadn't been around. I know everything's been kinda hard, but you stayed good ol' Two-Bit. I'm glad we can count on you. You're more'n a pal, you're a brother."

Two-Bit's eyes filled with tears. "Aw, kid." he jumped up, pulling Ponyboy into a rough hug and messing up his head. They separated when they heard yelling outside. They ran to the door.

"I can't!" Steve hollered, eyes wild.

"Why?" Darry asked, voice calm.

"I-I can't. Not without-" Steve took a step back, pulling at his hair. Darry turned to Pony and Two-Bit, obviously lost on what was happening. Ponyboy mouthed ' Soda,' and understanding passed over Darry's face.

"Steve, look at me." Darry said, taking a step toward their friend. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I can't." Repeated Steve, fingers loosening in his hair.

"I won't make you. You can eat out here if you want to, I'm sorry."

Steven swallowed audibly, hands shaking as he removed them from his hair. Pony's stomach lurched as he remembered that same expression on his face the night Dallas died.

"Dinner's done." He blurted. "I-I can make Steve a plate and bring it out here."

"That's a good idea." Darry said. "Hey, Steve? It's alright. Sit on down, and Pony will bring you some food."

Steve hesitated, eyes turning to Ponyboy.

"It's okay, Steve." Ponyboy said, voice oddly soft. "Just sit down and relax. I'll bring you some food."

Steve looked between them all before taking his original seat. Ponyboy disappeared into the house, and went to make Steve a plate. He made himself one as well, and went back out. Two-Bit and Darry were standing by the door. "You two can make your plates and eat. I'll keep Steve company." he said to them.

Steve was staring off into space when he sat down beside him, but jumped when Ponyboy put the plate on his lap.

"You need to eat, Steve."

Steve glared at him, though it held no actual anger. "Who're you, my mom?"

"Lord knows if you were my kid, I'd have offed myself." the retort pops out before he can think about it, and Steve's face paled. His mom died while he was away in Vietnam - Soda had sent a letter home about it. Ponyboy cried, and he couldn't explain why. Everybody knew he and Steve didn't get along. Ponyboy guessed it was the thought of losing a parent. His own parent's deaths didn't affect him so much anymore, but the thought of any of the others going through the same killed him on the inside.

Ponyboy coughed. "But luckily, you had someone better than a no good hood for a mother."

Surprisingly, Steve smiled. "Yeah, lucky me." They eat in silence. Ponyboy tries not to stare, but he can tell it's been a while since Steve has had a home cooked meal. He eats slowly, savoring everything. It makes Ponyboy think of Soda, wondering if he would have acted the same way when he came from war. The chicken turned to ash in his mouth, but he keeps eating.

When they're done, Ponyboy takes their plates into the kitchen. Two half eaten plates sat on the table, but Darry and Two-Bit were nowhere to be found. Pony dropped the plates into the sink before searching out his brother and friend. Darry's door was cracked, and he raised his hand to knock when he heard it.

"Mm, Keith…"

Ponyboy froze. That sounded an awful lot like Darry. He peered into Darry's room, eyes wide.

Two-Bit was flat on his back in Darry's bed, Darry kneeling between his legs. They were kissing passionately, Two-Bit's fingers tangled in Darry's hair. Darry pushed his hips forward, and Two-Bit gasped, groaning. Ponyboy turned away, hand over his mouth. He didn't know what to think. Two-Bit and Darry, together? It was weird, but Ponyboy didn't hate it. A stab of hurt shot through him at the thought of Darry hiding the relationship from him. Did he think Ponyboy was too immature? Was he ashamed? There were too many thoughts going on in his head. He. went back out onto the porch.

"You don't have to keep checking on me, kid." Steve muttered.

"I'm not. I hang out here all the time, when the weather's nice."

"Still don't got any friends?"

"I did. Two of them died, and one of them went to war."

Steve didn't reply.

"I get why you don't want to come in the house." Ponboy murmured. "I can't sleep in our bed anymore. The nightmares are even worse. Darry tried to get me to sleep in his room, but I'm too old." he sighed heavily, then jumped when he felt the other boy lean against him. He turned to Steve, who stared straight ahead. The circles under his eyes seemed all the darker. "I write still. And talk to Darry. It's okay to need help, Steve."

Again, Steve didn't answer, and Ponyboy stopped talking. They sat in easy silence for a while, watching the sunset. Steve's lean became heavy, and Ponyboy could tell he was tired.

"Hey, Steve?"

He grunted.

"I think you should rest inside. I'll stay with you, if you want."

Steve didn't answer, only sat up. Ponyboy stood and offered the older man a hand. Steve stared at it for a minute - then took it, letting Ponyboy help him up. Together, the two went inside. Steve kicked off his shoes and dropped onto the couch. Ponyboy sat down, pulling Steve's legs onto his lap. Steve frowned, but said nothing, and in minutes, he was asleep, snoring softly. Ponyboy leaned his head back against the couch, closing his eyes.

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 **Not to bad, is it? Don't forget to review!**


	2. Chapter 2: Wrecked

**WARNING: There will a be a suicide attempt in the next chapter, so if that makes you uncomfortable, please don't read any further, or skip the next chapter entirely (though you might miss a little context). Also, there is one homophobic slur, but it's not a rant or anything.**

 **Enjoy!**

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 _Sunsets. Ponyboy loved sunsets. The way the colors changed, the vibrancy of them. They soothed him when things were turbulent, and made a good mood even better. Right now, it was soothing him after being yelled at by Darry for a B-. He'd been so mad he'd stormed off to the lot without a word._

 _Someone came up behind him, putting their arm around his shoulder. He smiled._

" _Hey, Johnny."_

" _Hey Pony."_

 _Ponyboy turned to face his not-quite-boyfriend. Johnny always seemed to know when Ponyboy needed cheering up. They sat down._

" _Where's Dally?"_

" _Chasing some blonde, I think. He'll be here in a minute."_

 _Ponyboy snorted. "Why's he always chasing girls when he's got us?"_

" _Girls will have sex with him. He don't want us to do that yet."_

" _Not like we aren't doing anything close." Ponyboy muttered, but he understood. There was a difference between touching each other and fully having sex. Ponyboy sighed, and Johnny squeezed his hand. When Ponyboy looked up, Johnny cocked an eyebrow._

 _That's one thing he liked about Johnny; he never forced Ponyboy to talk. Two-Bit and Soda were always bothering him to spill his guts, Darry was too busy to ever ask, and Steve and Dally didn't care. But Johnny understood without either of them saying a word. Ponyboy nodded slowly, and Johnny pulled his friend into a hug._

 _It was sundown by the time Dallas came around, stumbling. He was drunk and his knuckles were bruised, but he greeted them warmly, the Dally way._

" _How're my favorite fags?"_

 _The two younger boys laughed, each giving Dallas a kiss on the cheek. They headed toward the Curtis household, Ponyboy and Johnny listening to Dallas's encounter with the girl._

" _Turns out the little floozie had a boyfriend. She really wanted me after I kicked his ass, but the broad wasn't even worth it." He threw his arms around the boys. "That's why I have you guys."_

 _Just outside of the gate, Ponyboy paused. "Hey, guys?" he murmured. "Do you think we'd ever be able to tell the gang?"_

 _Dallas shook his head. "Nah, they wouldn't get it. 'Sides, Pony, isn't nicer that nobody knows? That nobody's in our business?"_

" _I guess so." Ponyboy bit his lip, looking up and down the street and toward the house before asking, "One kiss before we go inside?"_

 _Dally chuckled, pressing a chaste kiss to Ponyboy's lips. Johnny took Ponyboy's face in his hands and kissed him slow and deep. When they parted, Johnny was grinning._

" _I like you a hell of a lot, Ponyboy… Ponyboy… Ponyboy…"_

"Ponyboy. Hey, Ponyboy, wake up."

Ponyboy's shot up, eyes barely open. Someone put a hand on his shoulder, holding him steady.

"Woah, hey, calm down little buddy."

"Darry?" Ponyboy rubbed his eyes, blinking at his brother. Darry smiled gently.

"You and Steve fell asleep on the couch. How'd you get him inside?"

Ponyboy shrugged. "Told him I'd be in here if he wanted company. He came in on his own."

Darry looked like he didn't believe him, but let the subject drop. It was them Ponyboy noticed Steve was gone, and Two-Bit was sitting in Darry's recliner. Before he could ask, Steve came in from the porch, rubbing at his face. He nodded at Ponyboy from the doorway.

"Hey, y'all, you want to go out tonight? Don't y'all ever get bored staying in the house?" Two-Bit said.

"No time to be bored when you're working and sleeping off the exhaustion from working." Darry replied, and Two-Bit groaned before chuckling.

"But doesn't going out sound like a ton of fun?"

"It does, but I have work in the morning. I can't."

"What about you Ponyboy?"

"I work, too. Sorry, Two-Bit."

"I'll go."

Three heads turned to face Steve. He still looked tired, but not like before. He shrugged. "Ain't been out in a while. Can't promise I'll be any fun, but I'll go."

Two-Bit nodded. "That's fine, it'll be fun. We'll take it easy. You wanna go now, or wait a bit."

"Either's fine."

Two-Bit hopped up, grinning from ear to ear. "Well let's go then!"

Steve followed him to the door, and Darry did as well. As the two men stepped onto the porch, Darry said, "Y'all stay out of trouble. Come back here when you get tired, hear?"

"Yes, Mom!" Two-Bit called out, and after a minute, Ponyboy could hear Two-Bit's clunker pull off. Darry closed the door and turned to his brother.

"You okay, Pone? You were mumbling in your sleep."

"Yeah, I'm fine. It… It was just a memory."

Darry sat down in his chair, brow furrowed. "Who about? You sure it was only a memory?"

Ponyboy nodded, but didn't say anything else. Despite the fact that they didn't fight anymore, Ponyboy still had a hard time opening up to his brother, not for lack of trying. Communication had never really been their strong suit, and Ponyboy felt bad about it sometimes. Like right then, when Darry's face fell a little, though he didn't pry. He never pried.

"It was just a memory about Dallas and Johnny. We were at the lot. Remember, that night he hurt his knuckles cause of the blonde?"

"I remember that. Man that was a while back." He sighed, rubbing his neck. "I'm gonna head to bed. You gonna stay up a little longer?"

Ponyboy shrugged. "Probably in my room."

The two Curtis's went and cleaned up the kitchen before retired to their rooms. Ponyboy sat at his desk, tapping a pencil against his open notebook. He'd started writing fiction, simple stories about brothers and gangs and sunsets. It was sort of like his theme, but in the new one, nobody died, and everybody had parents. They still wreaked havoc and spent way too much time at a certain house, and Ponyboy smiled. He wrote a quick paragraph about two boys sitting on the porch before retiring to bed with a book.

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The ringing of the phone startled Ponyboy into wakefulness. He looked at the clock on the nightstand - 1:53 a.m. He threw off the blanket, stumbling into the living room and grabbing the receiver off the wall.

"Hullo?"

"Ponyboy?"

"Two-Bit?"

"Ponyboy, I need your help. You an' Darry." Two-Bit was breathing heavily.

Fear spiked in Ponyboy's heart. "What's wrong, Two-Bit, what's the matter?"

"Me and Steve went down to Buck's for a drink or two, and he got in a fight with some guys who said soldiers deserved to die. I helped him fight, and we won, but he was shaken up real bad. My car wouldn't start, and he started screaming and cursing, and then he took off. I need you and Darry to come down to Buck's and help me look for him."

Ponyboy swore softly to himself. "Alright, I'll tell Darry. Stay put till we get there." He hung up just as Darry came out.

"Pony?"

"Darry, I need the truck."

"What's going on?"

"Steve's got himself into some trouble and run off. Two-Bit needs us to come out and help find him."

"I'll come-"

"No, I can go. You need the rest, and if would be good to have someone here in case he turns up. I'll call you if something happens." Darry looked ready to argue, and Pony said, "Darry, Steve trusts me. I can handle this."

"But what if you can't, and I don't have the truck to come help you?"

"Didn't you and Two-Bit finally fix that old car in the garage? I know it works well enough. You can take that one."

Darry considered it, then sighed. "Fine. But call me if something goes wrong, okay?"

Ponyboy nodded and went to put on a shirt and some shoes. Grabbing the truck keys, Ponyboy ran out to the truck and hopped in, pulling away from the house and heading to Buck's. His mind raced with hundreds of thoughts. Was Steve okay? Was he hurt? Why did he run away? If they were lucky, he would end up back at the Curtis house. Ponyboy gripped the steering wheel tightly, lips pressed into a thin line.

Two-Bit was sitting outside of Buck's when he pulled up. He rushed over to the truck.

"Where's Darry?"

"I told him to stay home. Steve won't want a bunch of us ganging up on him, and it's good to have someone there in case he shows up there." Ponyboy hopped out of the truck. "Which direction did he go in?"

Two-Bit pointed in the direction of the railroad tracks. "I don't think he got very far, we're both pretty smashed." He ran a hand through his hair. "Shit, man. You should have heard what they said-"

"We'll worry about that later. I'll see if I can find him. You stay here in case he comes back around." Ponyboy took off.

He waited until the racket from Buck's quieted down before he called out to Steve, sprinting as fast he could while still being able to look for the guy. Buck's was almost in the middle nowhere, to keep down the noise complaints. Ponyboy called out to his friend, looking around every tree and car he came across. He made it to the railroad tracks in record time, and he stopped short, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Steve, where are you?"

No answer. Ponyboy ran down the incline toward the tracks, and that's when he heard it. Somebody was crying. Ponyboy followed the sound, and that's when he saw him. Steve was on his knees on the ground, shaking and crying.

He was holding a gun to his head.

"Steve!"

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 **Don't forget to review, loves! Silence is so depressing.**


	3. Chapter 3: Comfort

**Okay, okay, don't get comfortable, I'm only uploading this because I'll be busy for the next few days. Also, I'm trying to have a buffer, and I'm running out of done chapters, so I'll be working on that. The next update probably won't happen until the weekend.**

 **WARNING: The suicide attempt continues in this scene, but it isn't graphic.**

 **Enjoy!**

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Steve whipped around and onto his feet at the sound of Ponyboy's voice, the gun still against his temple. His hand was shaking. Ponyboy took a step forward, but Steve shook his head.

"Don't come any closer!" he screamed.

Ponyboy swallowed. "Steve, wh-where did you get that?"

"From Buck." Steve growled. "Dumbass handed it right over, no questions asked."

"Steve, please. Don't do this."

"They were right, you know." Steve said, voice shaking. "I shoulda died in the war. N-Not cause of the reason they think, but… I shoulda died."

"Steve, no-"

"I should have!" he spit. "Soda shoulda came home! Not me! Soda should have never been in the war…" Steve's hand was shaking, his finger to close to the trigger for comfort. "I was there, you know. The day he died. We-We were in the same platoon. We were crossing enemy lines, a-and a bomb went off."

"Steve, you don't have to-"

"You said I should talk, didn't you?" Steve snapped. "Well, I'm talking! I was the only survivor. I was far enough away that the blast only threw me! I-I… I had burns everywhere. It hurt. I couldn't talk. I can't remember… I got taken to a hospital. I asked about him. About Soda. They told me… they told me they couldn't find any other survivors in the mess." Steve began to sob. "I shoulda died with Soda that day. I didn't deserve to live, and I knew that when they drafted me. I can't sleep anymore. I always see them. The bodies. I saw them, the pieces of them. I should have been a part of that." Steve's finger closed around the trigger. "I should have died…"

Ponyboy wasn't sure what took over him. He darted forward, tackling Steve. A gunshot rang out. He squeezed his eyes shut, waiting.

Nothing happened.

Ponyboy opened his eyes. Steve was underneath him, shaking with sobs. The gun was still in his hand. Ponyboy snatched it away, tossing it far.

"What the hell, Steve!" He found himself screaming. "What the hell were you thinking? Do you know how much this would hurt Two-Bit and Darry?"

"I-I-"

"We all miss Soda, Steve! But killing yourself won't bring him back! You think he wants this for you? For any of us? If he was here, he'd be kicking your ass!" Ponyboy was crying now, his tears dripping onto Steve's face. "We lost too many people, already, we _can't_ lose you, too."

"Y'all don't need me." Steve whimpered.

"Like hell we don't. You weren't just Soda's best friend, you're our friend, too! We spent every day praying you and Soda made it home alive. We care about you, Steve. Please, don't…" Ponyboy couldn't speak anymore. He rolled off Steve, but Steve clung to his sleeve, sobbing into it. Ponyboy let him, fighting off tears of his own.

Eventually, he managed to coax Steve to his feet, and they made their way back to Buck's. Two-Bit was standing by the truck, and his eyes widened in alarm when he saw his friends.

"Ponyboy-"

"Get in the truck."

"But-"

"Get in the damn truck, Two-Bit!"

Two-Bit blinked at him for a moment before slinking over to the truck. Hot tears were stinging Ponyboy's eyes again, and he furiously wiped them away, dragging Steve along to the truck. Steve was still shaking, still crying, though quietly. Ponyboy let go of him, stalking to the driver side and sliding in. He gripped the wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white. He pulled off as soon as both boys were inside.

The truck had barely stopped in front of the house before Steve stumbled out, vomiting in the grass. Ponyboy and Two-Bit were by his side in minutes, but Steve waved them off.

" 'M fine." he grunted, coughing, and if he wasn't already a wreck, Ponyboy would have chewed him out. The porch light came on, and Darry came running out. He took one look at the scene and jumped into parent mode.

"Keith, go in the house and get you and Steve a glass of water. Ponyboy, help me get Steve to the bathroom."

Ponyboy knew Darry was perfectly capable on his own, but he didn't argue, taking up a position on Steve's other side. They led the intoxicated man into the house and down the short hall, depositing him in the bathroom just in time for him to vomit again.

"I'm sorry." Steve slurred once he could speak again. Tears were running down his face, vomit clinging to his shirt. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Ponyboy had never seen Steve so hopeless. This Steve Randle was nothing like the one that had left them - cocky, full of rage, and always ready for a rumble. This Steve Randle was exhausted. There was no more fight left in him. Ponyboy's heart broke, and he could tell Darry was in the same position.

But he was prepared for this. Ever since his brother had been drafted, Ponyboy had done his research on the effects of war on people, had practically trained himself to be a counselor for war veterans, all in hopes that he could help him brother when he came back from the war.

Sodapop wasn't coming back - but Steve was here.

Ponyboy sat next to Steve on the ground, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You're sick." He murmured, voice shaking. "You're sick, and it ain't your fault."

Steve stared at him, brows scrunched up. "Then who?"

"The same bastards who made you fight in a war you didn't start. The same bastards who got my brother killed." Ponyboy was crying again. "I read some books, you know? About stress and stuff from wars and how to deal with it. I can help you, and Darry can help you. Please, Steve."

"Why would you help me?" Steve mumbled.

"How many times do I have to say it for you to get it through your thick head? You're my friend. You may not have liked me hanging around so much, but I never hated you, Steve. And we're all we got left to keep Soda's memory alive, and we can't do that if we're fighting, can we?"

There was movement in the doorway, and they all looked up to see Two-Bit there, holding a glass of water, his eyes shiny with tears. He silently hand the glass to Darry before disappearing.

"Go get Two-Bit settled." Pony said to his brother. "I got Steve." When Darry hesitated, he said, "it was a bad night, Dar. Two-Bit really needs you. I'll come out in a minute."

Darry nodded, and stood. "If you need me, just holler." He left the glass on the counter, and Ponyboy helped Steve out of his shirt, tossing it into the tub. He grabbed a face towel from the cabinet and wet it, letting Steve wipe his face before he gave him the glass of water. Steve was able to drink half before he refused to drink anymore. Putting the glass down, Ponyboy helped Steve up, leading him to the spare room. He couldn't bring him into his room yet; it was too much for both of them right now. He let go of Steve, and the man dropped onto the bed.

"You got a blade, Steve?"

Steve nodded, eyes hollow.

"Give it to me."

Steve reached into his back pocket, handing the knife to Ponyboy without looking. Ponyboy gripped it tightly, grabbed his own blade from the bedside table, and left the room without a word.

Two-Bit and Darry were sitting on the couch, and they looked up when Ponyboy entered. Ponyboy managed to sit in the armchair before he broke down.

"Ponyboy!" both boys rushed over. "Ponyboy, what happened?"

Ponyboy looked into Two-Bit's eyes. "Steve…" he relayed the story as quietly as possible, leaving out the more gruesome details. Two-Bit and Darry turned paler and paler, and Two-Bit looked ready to be sick.

"Oh God." he moaned, eyes welling with tears. "I didn't- I didn't know, Pony, I'm sorry."

Ponyboy shook his head. "It ain't your fault, Two-Bit. We just - just gotta be there for him." He held the blades out to Darry. "I'm gonna stay with him. I need you guys to round up all the sharp stuff and put it away."

"Yeah, okay little buddy. You go stay with him, try and get some rest." Ponyboy stood up and Darry pulled him into a hug. Two-Bit joined on the other side. "You did good, kid." Darry murmured into his brother's hair, voice wet. He gave Ponyboy a pat on the back before letting him go.

Ponyboy went back into the spare room, closing the door. Steve was still sitting on the edge of the bed, but he moved over when Ponyboy got in. Ponyboy turned off the light, and they both lay down, pulling the blankets up. Steve was still shaking, and Ponyboy put an arm around him, pulling him close.

"Ponyboy?" Steve whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime. Now go to sleep. And don't be afraid to wake me up if you need me."

Steve nodded slowly, and after a while, he heard Steve's breath slow, felt his body relax. Unfortunately, he couldn't do the same. The image of Steve holding the gun to his head was burned into his eyelids, the sound of the gunshot still ringing in his ears. Nothing good waited for him in his dreams, so he held on tight to Steve, staring into the darkness.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there, listening to Steve breathe, before he became restless. Gently extricating himself from Steve's hold, he padded into the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water and sitting at the table. His eyes burned, and he rubbed them, knowing he couldn't avoid sleep forever. He was just going to get up and go back to the room when someone walked in.

Two-Bit yawned, stretching, but froze when he noticed Ponyboy sitting at the table.

"Hey, Pony…"

"Hey." Ponyboy looked Two-Bit up and down. He was wearing one of Darry's shirts, a T-shirt two sizes too big, and shorts. Ponyboy suppressed a smirk at Two-Bit's obvious uncomfort. The older boy didn't say anything, just went to get his own glass of water before sitting down.

"Couldn't sleep?" Two-Bit asked.

Ponyboy shook his head.

"How's Steve?"

"Sleeping, for now. I don't want him to be alone for too long."

Two-Bit nodded, and Ponyboy couldn't keep his curiosity in check any longer.

"So how long have you and Darry been going at it?"

Two-Bit choked on a sip of water, and Ponyboy waited for him to catch his breath. "What do you mean?" Two-Bit said, but Ponyboy could already see the defeat in his eyes.

"I caught you guys making out in his room earlier. And you're wearing his shirt. You don't have to hide it from me, Two-Bit."

Two-Bit's mouth hung open, and Ponyboy waited for him to speak. Finally, Two-Bit sank down in his chair. "You ain't ashamed of us, is you?"

"What? Why would I be?"

"Because it ain't right." Two-Bit sounded miserable. "I loved him so long, Ponyboy, but I was so scared. Boys ain't supposed to love boys." He took a sip from his glass. "After Johnny and Dally died, I realized that life was too short to be scared. I got drunk and kissed him, and I thought he would beat the tar outta me, but he just helped me onto the couch like always. We didn't talk about it, and nothing really happened, not till… Soda. Then you and Darry were a wreck, and he said I wouldn't want somebody as broken as him. It made me so mad. We fought… Then we weren't fighting. That was the night you came home and we were bruised and bandaged. You were so upset, I felt so bad. But we been together ever since."

Since Soda's death. Ponyboy was amazed they were able to keep it a secret that long.

"Darry says if you don't approve, we have to end it." Two-Bit whispered. "We were supposed to talk to you about it tomorrow, but I guess now's a good a time as any." His eyes were so serious, Ponyboy was vaguely frightened. "If you don't want us together, tell me. We been pals your whole life, and I never want to hurt you. So, please… tell me."

"Two-Bit," Ponyboy's throat felt raw. "Two-Bit, of course I want you and Darry to stay together."

"Really?"

"Yeah. After everything we been through, you deserve each other." Ponyboy sniffed. "Boys can love boys if they want to, man, it ain't never hurt anybody."

"Sounds like you would know."

Ponyboy didn't answer.

"It's alright, Ponyboy, you can tell me."

"Johnny and I were fooling around."

Two-Bit choked. "What?"

"We weren't anything serious, but I loved him and he loved me. He loved Dallas, too, but I didn't mind it. He never let me feel left behind. Dally knew we were fooling around, fooled around with us, told us to be careful." Tears were pouring down Ponyboy's face. "I miss 'em both every day, but I don't regret being with 'em. We're greasers, Two. There's a real good chance that even I won't make it out of here. But we still deserve to be happy, ya know? You and Darry need to be together."

Two-Bit was crying now, silent tears running down his face. He got up, pulling Ponyboy into a tight hug. Pony squeezed him back just as hard.

"You're gonna get out of here, Ponyboy. Don't ever say otherwise. Everyone believes in you, and you need to keep believing in yourself."

"I don't wanna leave you guys behind."

"You won't. I know you. You couldn't leave us behind even if you wanted. But you gotta get out here, okay?"

"Okay."

They hugged for a bit longer, just enjoying the closeness they'd lost over the years. Ponyboy missed the physical affection he'd received from the gang, no matter how rough. Two-Bit probably felt the same, though he'd never say so.

When they parted, Ponyboy smiled. "Go on back to Darry. He's probably missing you."

Two-Bit snorted, smiling a little before turning serious again. "You gonna be okay kid? If you need me to watch Steve I can do it."

Ponyboy shook his head. "Nah, it's alright. I think… I think he needs me. I'm not Soda, but obviously I'm good enough for him."

"Don't hurt yourself trying to help him, Ponyboy. I saw how you looked when you brought us back here - I thought you were gonna break down."

"I was scared." Ponyboy admitted. "You didn't see him, Two-Bit. He was gonna end it. If I hadn't gotten there in time…" Ponyboy blinked hard, dispelling the tears that threatened to fall.

"Damn. I'm sorry Ponyboy. I shouldn't have taken him out, I-"

"Ain't your fault, Two-Bit. Don't start blaming yourself."

Two-Bit looked like he wanted to say more, but just shook his head. "Okay. Good night, Pony."

"Night." Ponyboy put his glass in the sink and went back to the room. Steve was shaking, the covers kicked off. He flipped over, groping blindly at the bed. Pony slid in beside him, grabbing his hands.

"Soda?" Steve mumbled.

"Not Soda. Ponyboy."

"Oh." Steve sniffled. "Sorry."

" S'ok, go back to sleep. I'll be here."

"Okay." Steve was quiet for a moment. "Pony?"

"Yeah?"

"You're a pretty good guy."

"Thanks. Now go to sleep."

Steve rolled over, burying his face in Ponyboy's shoulder, and vaguely, as he was falling asleep, Pony wondered if Steve had a funny feeling in his chest, too.

* * *

 **Awww, cute! Poor Steve, he's going through it. Hopefully the Curtis brothers and Two-Bit can help him. Don't forget to review my loves!**


	4. Chapter 4: Amusement

**This ends weird, because I broke it up into two chapters. It was too long. (It also might have mistakes, it's unbeta'd)**  
 **Enjoy!**

* * *

When Ponyboy opened his eyes in the morning, the bed was empty, and his heart leaped into his throat. Jumping into a pair of pants, he darted into the living room, stopping short when he saw all three adults lounging around the living room. They looked up when they heard him come in.

"Morning, Pone." Darry said.

"Morning."

"Eggs on the stove if you want 'em. Might be cold, we all got up pretty early."

"Alright, thanks." Ponyboy looked at Steve. He was sitting on the ground, legs crossed, shuffling mindlessly through a deck of cards. He was wearing some of Darry's clothes; the older man must have made him shower.

"How are you feeling, Steve?"

"Hung the hell over." he grumbled, but smiled weakly. "I'm… okay. I needed the rest. Thanks, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy nodded, and went to eat breakfast. Halfway through his eggs, Darry and Two-Bit came into the kitchen.

"What's up?"

"We just wanted to talk to you about something."

Oh boy. Ponyboy's eyes flicked to Two-Bit, who was struggling not to smile.

"What's up, Darry?"

"Would you be okay with me having someone special in my life?"

"Like a girlfriend?"

Yeah, sorta. But, would you be okay if it was someone you knew?"

"Darry, are you trying to tell me you want to date Angela Shepard?"

Two-Bit looked like he would bust a gut, and Darry went pale. "What? No! Come on, Ponyboy, this is serious."

Ponyboy schooled his face. "Okay."

"It's not Angela, Pone. I-It's not… not even a girl."

"Okay, now I get it."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I didn't know Tim was your type, Darry."

Two-Bit lost it - howling with laughter, he stumbled out of the kitchen. Ponyboy leaned back in his seat, laughing even harder at Darry's confused, frustrated expression. "Okay, Okay, enough. Two-Bit, come back!" When Two-Bit came back in, Ponyboy said, "I know about you and Two-Bit. I walked in on you two making out yesterday, and Two-Bit told me."

Darry rounded on his boyfriend. "Damn it, Keith!"

"Come on, Darry. You know Pony and I are pals. We were up late and started having a heart to heart. And he was real cool about it."

Darry turned back to his brother. "Are you really okay with it Ponyboy?"

" 'Course I am, Darry. I already told Two-Bit: We're greasers, and there's a real good chance that even I won't make it out of here. But we still deserve to be happy."

"Don't you talk like that. You're getting out of here, Ponyboy, make no mistake."

"I told him the same thing." Two-Bit said, and Darry smiled.

Ponyboy sighed, and pushed away from the table. "I need to call into work. I don't think I want to leave Steve alone today."

"Don't worry, Pony, I'm off today. I don't start my job till Monday, remember? I can look after him while you and Darry are gone."

"I don't know-"

"Hey, come on, Pony you don't gotta be the adult right now. I got this."

Ponyboy looked to his brother.

"Two-Bit's right. You gotta go to work. Get dressed and I can drop you off."

Ponyboy nodded and went to get dressed.

"We'll see y'all later!" Darry hollered as he headed out to the truck. Ponyboy paused by the door. Two-Bit was watching Mickey Mouse on the TV, and Steve was curled up in Darry's arm chair.

"Hey, Steve?"

"Yeah?".

"Try and get some more rest, ya hear? There's leftovers if you get hungry."

Steve turned to look at him, smiling gently, "Sure, kid."

Satisfied, Ponyboy joined his brother in the truck. As they pulled away, Darry hummed along to the radio.

"Hey Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you wait so long to tell me about Two-Bit?"

"I didn't wait that long-"

"Two-Bit said you guys been together since Soda."

Darry slammed his hand on the wheel. "That big mouth!"

"Don't be mad at him, we were both really shook up and spilling our guts to each other. Why did you wait so long?"

"We'd just gotten the letter about Soda, kid. Too much was happening, I didn't want to overwhelm you. And… I was scared. I just wanted us to find a new normal first."

Ponyboy mulled over his brother's words for a moment. He understood, kind of. "How did you know you loved him?"

Darry shrugged. "I dunno. It just happened. He makes me feel good, you know. Everything doesn't feel so heavy when I'm with him. I don't feel so alone."

"I get it." The brothers settled into companionable silence. When they got to Ponyboy's job, Ponyboy hopped out. "Have a good day, Darry. Be careful, hear?"

"I will. I'll be able to pick you up, so don't worry. Call if you need me." Darry pulled off, and Ponyboy went inside.

The day passed uneventfully. The traffic was steady, since the school year was almost over, but Ponyboy quickly found himself in a lull. His boss, Kathleen, left early for a doctor's appointment. He sat on the stool behind the counter and cracked open a book.

An hour later, the bell over the door rang, and Ponyboy looked up to see Two-Bit and Steve come in.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey kid!" Two-Bit said, skipping over. "We got bored inside, and Steve wanted to see where you worked, so we decided to drop by. Not too busy today is it?"

"It was earlier, but not right now. I get off in a little bit anyway."

Two-Bit nodded. "Well, we brought some food, if you're hungry."

"You guys didn't have to." Ponyboy said, but he was grateful. He'd forgotten his lunch in the rush to get ready, and his stomach was growling. HE was going to get food as soon as his shift ended, but this was much better. Steve handed over the bag before wandering away to look st the books.

"You got a bathroom in here, kid?"

"Nah, but the cafe next door does. Buy a cookie and they'll let you use it."

Two-Bit cursed. "Alright. I'll be back." He left, and Steve came back over. He didn't say anything, just grabbed a burger out of the bag and began eating. He was looking better, but Ponyboy knew that they still had to talk about the night before.

"Steve?"

He nodded.

"About last night-"

Steve shook his head. "Don't want to talk about it."

"We should."

"It was a moment of weakness, and it won't happen again."

"Until it does."

Steve glared at the younger boy, but Ponyboy continued. "I told you, Steve, I did my research. What this is, it's not going to go away. Bottling it up won't help you, man." Ponyboy paused, searching Steve's face. "I'm not saying you have to go to therapy or anything, just… you can talk to me. Always. Even if it's just you cursing for five minutes. I can't stand the thought of-" he couldn't even say it.

For a moment, Steve didn't say anything, just stared at the burger in his hands. "Ponyboy," he murmured, "it's hard for me to say this. But you were right. I can't hurt Darry and Two-Bit by offing myself. Hell, I can't even do that to you. I know I always gave you shit for Soda always hanging on to you, but I get why he did. I get wanting to hold onto the little piece of family you got." He took a deep breath. "I don't ever want to talk about last night, because I ain't gonna do it again. Soda… Soda wouldn't want me to, like you said."

Ponyboy exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding, closing his eyes. Hearing Steve say he was right kind of scared him, but was a relief. Steve chuckled, polishing off his burger.

The bell rang again as Two-Bit loped back into the store, frowning. "Glory, why didn't you tell me Kathy worked in that cafe, Pone? She still hates me for dumping her! Good thing she don't know about who I'm with now. She woulda killed me for sure."

Ponyboy laughed. "I forgot, sorry Two-Bit."

"Hey, you guys wanna catch a movie tonight? Nice, wholesome fun, as a group?"

Steve shrugged. "Sure."

"That sounds good. I think Darry is off tomorrow, too, so he'll come is you ask. It'll be good for us to get out before you both start working." Ponyboy glanced at the clock. It was time to start closing up. "I gotta close up the store real quick, you guys wait outside."

Two-Bit and Steve left, and Ponyboy got rid of any trace of food. Kathleen hated it when he ate at the register, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. He walked up and down the rows, putting away abandoned books and straightening up the shelves. He swept between the rows and made sure everything was where it should be before locking the door. He called Kathleen to let her know the store was closed, then called Darry to let him know Two-Bit and Steve got him, before joining the others.

They had to walk, since Two-Bit's car still wouldn't start, but luckily it wasn't that far. Two-Bit regaled them with how he charmed Kathy long enough to escape her wrath, and Steve snorted. "So you two ain't together anymore? When did that happen?"

"A while back. You were still in 'Nam."

"Who're you with now?"

Two-Bit stopped, and so did the other two. He looked at Ponyboy, who shrugged. "I'm with Darry." Two-Bit finally said.

"Really?"

Two-Bit nodded.

Steve looked to the sky. "Glory," he mumbled, "everything really does revolve around the Curtises."

"What d'ya mean?" asked Ponyboy.

Steve started walking again, and the other two followed. "I once told Soda that everything in our lives revolved around you guys. Your parents took care of us, then you guys. Soda was my best pal, and you and Johnny and Two-Bit were pals. Even Dallas stuck around 'cause of you guys." Steve sighed. "Everything really does come around to you guys. It's pretty nice."

Ponyboy didn't know how to answer, but he nudged Steve with his shoulder, and Steve smiled. It was weird having Steve smile at him. Ponyboy kind of liked it.

Once in the house, they immediately pulled out the rest of the cake, putting a large piece away for Darry before digging in with forks. It would be a while before Darry got off work, so they relaxed in the living room, flipping channels.

Steve sat up suddenly. "Hey Ponyboy."

"Yeah?"

"Ain't you graduating soon?"

"Yeah."

Steve nodded once. "Cool. You know if you're gonna be like, valedictorian or something?"

Ponyboy shrugged, cheeks turning red. "I dunno yet. My teacher says I have a pretty good chance of being salutatorian, which is right under valedictorian. I'm okay with it."

Steve nodded. "That's cool man. You deserve it."

"Steve, buddy, you're freaking me out." Two-Bit said, and Steve rolled his eyes, but smiled. He knew exactly what Two-Bit meant. But Two-Bit didn't know what had happened between Ponyboy and Steve. They weren't best friends, but something had changed between them. They were closer now, and both boys, if they were honest, were both terrified by and curious about it. The let it pass.

Darry didn't walk into the door until nearly 7:30, and he smiled at the sight of them lounging around. "Well hello there, lazy bums." he said, kicking off his boots and hanging up his tool belt. Ponyboy jumped up to hug him.

"Hey Darry, you're off tomorrow, right?"

"Sure am, little buddy. What's up?"

"Can we go to the Nightly Double tonight, please? All of us."

Darry pursed his lips and scratched the back of his neck, then shrugged. "Sure! Don't see why not. You guys up for it?"

Steve and Two-Bit agreed, and Ponyboy went to change, while Darry took a shower and changed as well. Once they were ready, they headed out in Darry's truck, Two-Bit and Steve riding in the bed.

"When's your car getting, fixed?" Darry called out to his boyfriend.

"Shoot, I don't know. Still can't figure out what's wrong with it."

"Lemme take a look at it." Steve said. "I still know a thing or two about cars."

Two-Bit nodded, and they continued on to the Nightly Double.

Once they were in, Darry groaned at the choice of movie. It was a beach film, a familiar one, and Ponyboy felt sick, though he said nothing about it. "Darry, why'd you come if you were just gonna complain?" he said instead, and Darry shot him a grin.

" 'Cause I wanted to spend some time with my kid brother. I'll be good, promise."

Ponyboy chuckled and let it go, but he still felt sick. It was the same beach movie he'd watched with Johnny, Cherry, and Marcia that fateful night. He swallowed the rising bile in his throat.

Darry noticed his unease. "You okay, Pone?"

Ponyboy nodded. "Was just thinking that I wanted some popcorn and a Coke. I'll be right back." he jumped out of the car before Darry could respond, he made his way to the concession stand. He heard footsteps behind him, but he didn't turn around until he got in line. It was Steve.

"Heard you tell Darry you were getting popcorn, thought I'd grab some."

"I was gonna bring some back for you guys."

Steve shrugged. "Well, now you got extra hands."

Ponyboy shook his head, but didn't respond. The line moved quickly, and they ordered three popcorns and two cokes. Steve jumped in and paid before Ponyboy could even reach into his pocket, and the younger man scowled, but Steve only laughed.

On the way back to the car, Steve stopped him. "What's really bugging you, Ponyboy?"

Ponyboy opened his mouth, but Steve said, "Listen, kid, if you're going to push me to talk about how the war fucked me up, you have to talk, too. What's wrong?"

Ponyboy looked down at his shoes. "This is the movie we saw the night Johnny killed the Soc."

Steve nearly dropped the Cokes. "Seriously?"

Ponyboy nodded. "Yeah. It just… reminds me of that night." He looked up, sticking his chin out. "But I wanna stay. I don't want to ruin the weekend. Me an Darry haven't done anything together in a long time."

"Kid, if the movie brings all that stuff back, we should do something else."

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Something else. The last thing you need is to do think about that shit again." Steve's eyes were serious, and Ponyboy almost felt bad for keeping his feelings inside. Steve was right. If he was going to force people to talk, he had to be willing to the same.

Darry and Two-Bit were sitting in the bed of the truck, whispering, when they got back. They looked up when Steve and Ponyboy got close.

"Pony-" Darry started.

"I'm sorry I freaked out." Ponyboy blurted. "This - This is the movie we were watching when - it happened."

Darry's face fell. "Oh, Pony…"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin tonight, and I know we already paid-"

"Shoot, kid, it ain't ruined! We can find some other trouble to get into." Two-Bit grinned at his younger friend. "This movie stinks anyway."

Darry put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "We can do something else. It's okay, Pony." He hopped down. "You know I hate movies anyway."

They all laughed, and piled back into the car. Ponyboy sat in the bed with Steve that time, and they threw popcorn at each other, throwing some at Two-Bit through the window. Nobody asked where Darry was going at first, but when Pony noticed them leaving town, he finally spoke up.

"Hey Darry, where are we going?"

"I heard through a trustworthy source that there's a bar in Wagoner that we'd like."

"You're willing taking the kid to a bar?" Two-Bit asked.

"Don't get mouthy, it's to have some fun. Ponyboy, you will _not_ be having more than one beer."

Ponyboy agreed, and they kept going.

The bar wasn't too far from the city limits, and the boys could already tell this was a place they would like. Music poured out of the windows, and people danced and talked on the grass outside. They went inside.

* * *

 **Hopefully I can post the other part soon, but in the meantime, tell me what you like! I tend to give up on projects that don't garner a lot of comments. Even one or two is enough to keep me going!**  
 **We'll be getting to the smut soon (hopefully;;) but until then my loves!**


	5. Chapter 5: Dance

**I'm not dead, whoop!**

* * *

The Rolling Stones was playing, and Ponyboy nearly jumped out of his skin when a guy grabbed his arm, spinning him around and pulling him close, his lips to Ponyboy's ear.

"You wanna dance?" he asked, and Ponyboy was fumbling to answer when someone yanked him back. Steve.

"He ain't interested." He snarled, and the stranger backed away. Steve grabbed Ponyboy's wrist and pulled him over to the bar, where Darry was flagging the bartender and ordering beers. Ponyboy moved closed to his brother, who patted him on the shoulder.

Two-Bit whistled. "Wow, Darry. How'd you find out about this place? Freak central. I dig it."

Darry smacked Two-Bit's arm, but smiled. "Don't call it that. The whole point is to _not_ be judged. A work buddy of mine told me about it. We might see him tonight." The bartender slid the beers over, and everyone grabbed one. Ponyboy took a sip and made a face. No need for Darry to worry - he wasn't going to make it past one.

"Hey, Darry!"

"Joey!" Darry embraced the blonde man who walked up to him. "I was just talking about you, man." he turned to the group. "Fellas, this is Joey, that work buddy. Joey, this is my boyfriend, Two-Bit, our friend Steve, and my brother Ponyboy."

Joey stuck out a hand, and they all shook it. "Nice ta meet ya! Darry talks about y'all all the time. Heard a lot of good things about each of ya."

Darry blushed, and Two-Bit snickered. "What is this place, Joey?" Two-Bit asked.

Joey smiled. "It's just a regular bar. The rules here are a little more relaxed, though. You can dance with who you want."

"So it's a secret gay bar?" Steve said, and Joey's smile grew.

"Unofficially. If it's the fuzz you're worried about, don't be. You can be yourselves here."

Ponyboy felt himself relax at Joey's words. He'd heard the stories about gay bars being destroyed, about people getting arrested just for loving someone of the opposite sex. After a bit of small talk, Joey disappeared into the throng of people. Ponyboy kept sipping his beer.

The song changed, and Two-Bit whooped, dragging Darry out onto the dance floor. Ponyboy moved closer to Steve.

"This is kinda weird." Steve said. "Never thought I'd be at a gay bar with Darry an' Two-Bit of all people. They always seemed straighter than hell ta me."

Ponyboy nodded, but he was only half listening. The guy from earlier was staring at him, smiling. Ponyboy could feel his face heat up. He took a big gulp of beer, wincing at the taste.

"If you wanna dance, then go."

Ponyboy turned to Steve, who was staring straight ahead. "I ain't blind. That guy is staring at you."

There was a muscle working in Steve's jaw, and the retort popped out before Ponyboy could stop it. "You jealous?"

"Why the hell would I be?"

Ponyboy shrugged. He set his beer down near the others, and made his way over to the guy. He was a little taller than Ponyboy, blonde and blue-eyed. He smirked when Ponyboy came over.

"Here to take me up on that dance?"

"I shouldn't. My brother and my friends wouldn't like it." Ponyboy smiled mischievously, and the guy chuckled.

"All the more reason you should." He took Ponyboy's hand, slowly leading him onto the dance floor. It was so crowded that they had no choice but to dance chest to chest. The man put his hands on Ponyboy's hips, and Ponyboy couldn't help but blush. The man laughed, and they continued dancing.

A new song started up, and Ponyboy felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Steve, standing behind him, smiling loosely and swaying a bit.

"Hey, Pony." he drawled. "We should dance."

"Steve are you drunk already?"

Steve considered the question. "Little bit." He decided, grinning, and Ponyboy sighed.

"Steve, go find Darry and Two-Bit."

Steve pouted, and Ponyboy almost jumped when the word _cute_ popped up in his mind. "But I wanna dance with you."

"No you don't, you're drunk."

The guy put a hand on Ponyboy's shoulder. "Hey, I'll give you two a minute." he disappeared into the crowd before Ponyboy could stop him. Ponyboy whipped back around to Steve, taking his arm and dragging him to a cramped, but empty corner of the room.

"What the hell, Steve! Why did you do that?"

Steve's eyes widened, hurt evident on his face. "What-"

"Listen, I know you don't like me much, but you don't gotta mess with me all the damn time! I'm not a kid anymore-"

"I was jealous."

Ponyboy's mouth snapped shut, and he stared at Steve. The older man was glaring at his feet, cheeks flaming red. Jealous? On what planet would Steve ever be jealous about anything to do with Ponyboy? And what was he jealous of? It dawned on Ponyboy then. No… was Steve jealous of that guy?

Steve seemed to realize what he said. "I mean, not jealous! Just... mad. I didn't like seein' him all over you. He's a scuzzball. You deserve better than that." He looked up at Ponyboy, face still red. "And I really do wanna dance with you… if you want."

Ponyboy stared at Steve for a moment, the odd feeling back in his chest. For once, Steve looked sincere, and even if he was drunk, Ponyboy supposed he could humor him, just once.

"One dance."

"Really?"

Ponyboy nodded. "But just one. And then you leave me alone. I'm a big boy, and I can dance with who I want."

Steve smirked, but he looked pleased. "Alright. Come on!" He grabbed Ponyboy, dragging him back onto the dance floor.

Steve couldn't dance a lick. Ponyboy watched him flail about with interest, trying and failing to hold in his laughter. Steve was too drunk to care, only laughing along and putting his own hands on Ponyboy's waist. Ponyboy put his own hands on Steve's shoulder, steadying him.

When the song was over, Steve let go of Ponyboy, but stayed pressed to him. Ponyboy looked up at him. Steve smiled shyly, cheeks red, and leaned in close.

"It's… weird getting along with you." He mumbled in Ponyboy's ear. "But I don't hate it or anything."

Ponyboy felt his cheeks get hot. "Guess I don't hate it either."

Steve seemed genuinely surprised by the confession. He moved back a bit and blinked at Ponyboy. "Really? I was an asshole to ya. Surprised ya didn't fight me when you saw me on the porch."

Ponyboy shook his head. "I was just glad you were alive. You stopped sending letters, and you didn't come home right after your tour. We didn't know what happened." He'd been calm on the outside when he'd seen Steve, but on the inside, he was nearly bawling. Their gang had been reduced to nothing, but having Steve back home filled one of the many holes in his heart.

Steve still seemed surprised, but he just nodded. Suddenly, neither of them had the energy to dance anymore. They made their way back to the bar, claiming their stools. Their beers had been cleaned up, but they didn't mind. They sat on stools, watching the other people dance. Darry and Two-Bit were still dancing, and Ponyboy smiled - glad that his brother who grew up too fast and went through so much was able to relax and have fun. He still occasionally went on trips with his friends when he could, but he still worked to hard. Ponyboy wondered if that's how he dealt with grief - by throwing himself even further into work, exhausting himself to the point of being unable to feel anything.

Someone poked his head, and he jumped. Steve snickered.

"I thought you would have been over this daydreaming thing, Ponyboy.". Steve said, laughing when Ponyboy stuck his tongue out at him.

"I was just thinking about how Darry never really gets to have fun. I think it's good that he's dating Two-Bit. Darry gets to loosen up, and Two-Bit learns some responsibility."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Your the only guy I know who would think about somethin' like that."

Ponyboy shrugged. "It's my thing." He looked out over the crowd, taking in the color and freedom. The man he had been dancing with was dancing with someone else, but his eyes rose and met Ponyboy's. He raised an eyebrow, and Ponyboy shook his head.

"Don't wanna go dance?" Steve asked, and Ponyboy turned to him, smiling.

"Nah. I'd rather be here with you."

* * *

 **I honestly only have half an idea of where this is going so I apologize in advance lol. See ya soon! Don't forget to review!**


	6. Chapter 6: Ache

**I'm back from the dead! Sorry if this chapter has a ton of mistakes, I'm going to try and fix it up soon, but I just wanted to get it to you all!**

* * *

" _Ponyboy. Ponyboy, wake up."_

 _Ponyboy groaned, opening his eyes. Fingers were running through his hair, and he hummed happily. The person beneath him chuckled._

" _C'mon, Pony, Darry's gonna skin ya if you're not home before midnight."_

 _Ponyboy sat up, rubbing his eyes. Johnny sat up as well, pressing a kiss to his cheek._

" _Don't wanna go home." Ponyboy grumbled._

" _Why not?"_

" _Darry's mad cause I got an A- instead of an A. He says I have to study more. It was only a few points! I don't see what the big deal is."_

" _Darry just wants you to have a good future, Pone. You can go anywhere you want when you graduate. Only a few more years."_

" _Yeah, if I last that long."_

" _C'mon, Pony, don't be like that-"_

" _No, Johnny!" Pony jumped to his feet, fists balled at his sides. "Everyone's always sticking up for Darry and telling me I should be grateful for him keeping me and Soda, and I am! But Darry should be grateful, too! I get good grades! I stay out of trouble as best as I can! But no, I'm just never good enough, am I?" Ponyboy began to storm off into the night, ignoring Johnny's cries of his name. When he heard Johnny start jogging after him, he took off running._

" _Ponyboy, wait!"_

 _Ponyboy ignored him, running, he dashed across a street, but stopped dead when he heard an "oof" and the sound of something hitting the ground. Spinning around, he felt the blood drain from his face. Johnny had tripped and fallen in the middle of the street - and there was a car coming._

" _Johnny!" Ponyboy turned around, running back toward the boy on the ground. The sidewalk stretched on ahead of him, Johnny moving further and further away. "Johnny!"_

 _There was a car horn, a scream-_

Ponyboy shot up in bed, throwing his arms around himself and panting softly. Beside him, Steve slept somewhat peacefully, curled in on himself. Ponyboy glanced at the clock - 5:57 a.m. Getting out of bed, he pulled on a shirt and went outside, shivering in the chilly air. The sun was beginning to rise, and slowly, Ponyboy could feel himself relaxing.

He wasn't sure why these memories were coming back. Maybe it was Steve's return, reminding him how much he missed the rest of the gang. He remembered that night from his nightmares. Johnny had gotten up and scrambled out of the car's way just in time, and Ponyboy had hugged the life out of him, near tears. The two boys had made their way back to the Curtis house, where, upong relaying the story to Darry and Soda, they were given hot chocolate and put to bed. Soda had let Johnny have his spot, and they two youngest had spent the night curled around each other.

The gate creaked behind him, and he turned to see Darry step out with a blanket over his shoulders, yawning. Darry smiled at his younger brother, taking a seat beside him.

"I knew you liked sunsets, but I'm surprised to see you out here early enough to catch a sunrise." He tossed part of the blanket over his brother's shoulders and they huddled together. "Did you have fun last night?"

Ponyboy nodded, smiling. "Yeah. Steve's a terrible dancer, even worse when he's had a few."

Darry chuckled. "It's strange to see y'all gettin' along. I know you didn't like each other very much in the past. I think Soda would be happy to see it."

Ponyboy smile lessened, and he sighed. "I miss him, Dar."

"Me too, little buddy. Every day, all the time." There was a sniffle, and Ponyboy turned to see his brother quickly wipe his eyes. He turned away, saying nothing. Silently, they got, making their way back into the house and into the kitchen. Darry started on some coffee while Ponyboy got out the eggs. They needed to go grocery shopping soon. He took the rest of the leftover chicken, starting on breakfast. Darry disappeared, returning with the bottle of aspirin. He got two glasses of water, set them on the table with the aspirin, and then sat down to read the paper.

Two-Bit and Steve appeared at the same time, groaning and slumping down at the table. Without speaking, they took some aspirin with the glasses of water. Ponyboy chuckled to himself and began to dish out the food. Everyone thanked him quietly.

Breakfast was a near silent affair, but Two-Bit and Steve began to perk up as it went on, the cups of coffee Darry forced on them helping immensely. After breakfast, Two-Bit and Darry washed the dishes, while Ponyboy and Steve lounged around the living room.

"You hafta work today?" Steve asked.

Ponyboy nodded. "Yeah, later though."

Darry and Two-Bit came out from the kitchen. "You two gonna be alright if we go out for a bit?" Darry asked. "Two-Bit needs clothes, and he wants to take me somewhere, then we're gonna hit the grocery store."

"We'll be fine." Ponyboy said.

Darry went to get dressed, and Two-bit went outside. Darry followed just a few minutes later, and they heard the sound of the truck pulling off. Steve got up from his seat, mumbling something about using the bathroom before disappearing into the hall.

After a moment, Ponyboy heard the toilet flush, and steps in the hall, but Steve didn't return. He gave it another minute before he called out, "You okay, Steve?"

"Yeah," came a soft, strained reply, and Ponyboy got up, making his way into the hallway. Steve stood frozen in front of some pictures.

"Steve."

"I just…" he reached up, touching one of the pictures. Ponyboy couldn't see it clearly, but he knew from the frame what it was - it was a picture of Steve and Soda the day they started working together at the DX. they were sitting on the back of Steve's car, smiling like idiots, though they weren't looking at the camera - they were looking at each other. They weren't out then, but Ponyboy had recognized the affectionate way they looked at each other - it was the way Ponyboy had felt about Johnny, and later Dallas, though he hadn't voiced those feelings for fear of backlash not only from his family, but from strangers. Those feelings weren't safe out in the open, only between him and his lovers. Steve and Soda had been just as secretive, but had come out when Soda had gotten his draft letter. At that point, nothing short of the destruction of humanity could separate them, and Steve and Soda had been thankful for the support during such a scary time.

Steve's hand moved to a different picture. "I wish I could have been with him." he said. "When the bomb went off. He… he shouldn't have died alone like that, surrounded by strangers."

Ponyboy swallowed against the lump in his throat, but he said nothing.

"I loved him so much." Steve whispered, his voice shaking. "Now he's gone… I just want to feel something again."

"I understand." Ponyboy stepped forward, putting his hand on Steve's shoulder. Steve turned to him, eyes shiny, but not crying. He put a hand on Ponyboy's cheek. Ponyboy didn't move.

He kept his eyes open as Steve leaned forward, but closed them when their lips met. Steve was surprisingly gentle, maneuvering Ponyboy until his back was against the wall, kissing him until they had to separate for air.

Ponyboy's eyes opened. "Steve-"

"Don't talk," the older man panted, kissing him again.

Ponyboy clutched Steve's t-shirt, trying to pull him closer and yank it off at the same time. Steve pulled away long enough to pull the shirt off before attacking Ponyboy's mouth again, fumbling with his belt before getting it off. He dropped it to the floor. Pushing open the button, he stuck his hand in, palming Ponyboy's erection through his boxers.

"Shit!" Ponyboy moaned, throwing his head back against the wall.

Steve chuckled. "Never heard you swear before kid." He kissed him again, stroking Ponyboy through the fabric.

Ponyboy whimpered. "Steve, please."

"I got ya…" Removing his hand, he hoisted Ponyboy up, carrying him to the spare room. Dropping him on the bed, he crawled on top.

Ponyboy hooked his legs around Steve's middle, grinding his hips up, moaning at the friction. Steve kissed him, hard, grinding his hips down. Suddenly, Ponyboy flipped them over, laughing at Steve's confused look. He crawled down, pressing soft kisses down his stomach. Unbuttoning his pants, he drags them, and Steve's boxers, down, eyes widening at the sight of Steve's cock. It was thick, the tip flushed red, and Ponyboy leaned forward, running his tongue from base to tip. Steve threw his head back, moaning.

"Wait," Ponyboy sat back, and Steve groaned. "I have a question."

"You've always got a damn question kid."

"Who's fucking who?"

Steve raised his head. "I don't bottom."

Ponyboy shrugged. "Fine. Then you have to prep me."

Steve sighed heavily, but nodded. "Got lube?"

Ponyboy got up, ducking into his old room to grab the lube, and some condoms, before coming back. They stripped completely, and Steve poured lube onto his fingers and nudging Ponyboy's legs apart. He circled the boy's hole for a moment before sinking a finger inside. Ponyboy whimpered, taking a deep breath and trying to relax. Steve waited for a moment before thrusting the finger in and out. Ponyboy bit his lip, gripping the sheets tightly.

Steve was quick but thorough in his prep, and it was only a matter of minutes before Ponyboy found himself nearly sobbing, pushing back against Steve's fingers. Steve kissed him hard, once, before pulling his fingers out and adjusting between Ponyboy's thighs. Putting the condom on, he grabbed Ponyboy's hips, pushing in slowly. He cursed as he sunk into him, warmth encasing his erection. Ponyboy wrapped his legs around Steve's thighs again, pulling him closer.

"You don't hafta go slow." He murmured, and Steve's eyes widened.

"You-"

"Had sex? Yeah. Don't tell anyone."

Steve shook his head and began pounding into Ponyboy, mesmerized by the way the younger boy's back arched as he was fucked. Steve smirked when Ponyboy cried out, and he knew he'd found the perfect angle. The sound of skin slapping against skin set his nerves on fire. "Christ, Pony," Steve moaned, "tight. So good."

"St-Steve, please, please," Ponyboy begged, pushing back against the man.

Steve's brow furrowed in concentration, and he reached forward, stroking Ponyboy's cock, slick with precome.

Ponyboy moaned, writhing. "Gonna c-come, soon, Steve!"

"Me too," Steven groaned, pushing Ponyboy's knees up to his chest. A few more thrusts, and Ponyboy was coming with a gasp and soft curse, mouth hanging open as pleasure shot through him. Steve came as well just a few thrusts later, cursing, his eyes screwed shut. Ponyboy could feel the older boy pulsing inside of him, and he moaned again, melting against the sheets as his orgasm subsided. Steve buried his face in Ponyboy's neck, gasping for air. When he softened, he slowly pulled out of Ponyboy, flopping to the other side of him.

Ponyboy was the first to speak. "Not bad, Randle."

"Damn right." Steve muttered, but there was a smile in his voice. "You weren't too bad yourself kid."

"Stop calling me, kid, I'm almost done with high school."

"Still a kid to me," Steve said, "but if it bothers you so much, I'll stop."

Ponyboy turned to look at Steve. His eyes were closed. "You don't gotta stop. It's not a big deal."

Steve grunted, but said nothing otherwise. He got up, pulling off the condom and tying it up before disposing of it. Ponyboy grabbed his shirt from off the ground, wiping off his stomach before dropping it back on the floor. Steve returned to the bed, and they both got under the blanket again.

Ponyboy turned on his side, and Steve looked at him. "So, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why this?"

"Gotta be more specific, kid."

Ponyboy sighed. "You could have gone out and gotten any girl or guy that you wanted. So, why me?"

"Steve opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. "I dunno." he finally mumbled.

"I ain't Sodapop, Steve. I can't love you like he did."

Steve frowned. "I don't want you to be Soda, Ponyboy. I loved him too much to try and replace him. I just… need someone to hold onto, you dig?"

"I dig."

Both men were quiet for a moment. Ponyboy reached out and moved to touch Steve's shoulder, but withdrew his hand.

"Where you gonna go, Ponyboy?"

"What do you mean?"

"When you leave Tulsa. I know you, kid. You're gonna get the hell out of here soon as you got a degree. So where you going?"

"I dunno. I don't wanna leave y'all behind, and leaving makes me feel like I'm forgetting Dally and Johnny. But if I really had to pick, then maybe California."

Steve snorted. "The hippie state, of course." he said, but there was no bite in his tone. "You should leave us behind, ya know. Me an' Two-Bit. You and Darry, you never really been greasers. Y'all were always too smart. The rest of us ain't nothing."

"Shut up, Steve Randle." Ponyboy sat up, ignoring the ache in his backside. "I'm every bit a greaser as you, and so is Darry. I fight, I carry a blade, I use enough grease to start a fire. A greaser can have dreams and plans and still be a greaser. An I ain't leaving anyone behind. Don't care how long it takes, I'm gonna make sure you, Two-Bit, and Darry have a better life than this."

Steve stared at him for a moment, then smiled. "Alright. I believe you."

Ponyboy lay back down, and Steve pulled him close. They were touch starved, though neither would admit it, but who could blame them? The one person who'd ever held them, platonically or romantically, was gone. Ponyboy pressed a soft kiss to Steve's shoulder, nipping at the skin, and Steve chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothin'."

" _Steve._ "

"Alright, you asked. I was just thinking about how good you would look sitting on my dick."

Ponyboy's eyes were wide, his cheeks erupting in a furious blush. "You're disgusting," he muttered, then sat up. "Keep going."

A predatory smirk spread over Steve's face. "You would look so nice on it. Sinking down on it, nice and full, legs spread open wide…"

Ponyboy climbed atop him as he spoke, straddling him. He took Steve's half-hard cock in his hands, stroking it, bringing him back to fully erect. Steve handed him one of the other condoms, and Ponyboy rolled it on him, lifting himself enough to sink down on it. Steve inhaled sharply, gripping Ponyboy's hips again. Ponyboy whined as Steve pressed on the bruises from before, the pain and pleasure mixing. "Keep talking."

It took Steve a moment to harness the brain power for words. "W-Want - Want you to ride it slow - Jesus Ch-Christ." Steve's eyes fluttered shut as Ponyboy began riding him, taking a moment to find a good rhythm. He'd never ridden anyone before, but, based on Steve's sounds, he was doing a pretty good job.

Slowly, Ponyboy picked up the pace, slamming down on Steve's cock and gasping as he hit his prostate. Steve matched him, snapping his hips up.

"Keep talking," Ponyboy whimpered, and Steve laughed breathlessly.

"You look so g-good on my dick, takin' it so good, Pony."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Ponyboy reached down to grab his own leaking length, but Steve swatted his hand away. "Wanna s-see if you can c-come without it." He said, snapping his hips up harder. Ponyboy moaned, but rode him faster, chasing his own release. A few well-aimed thrust on Steve's part and he was coming, loudly, and he bit his wrist to muffle himself. Steve came right after, vision going white. Ponyboy toppled off him, and they both burst into laughter.

"Holy shit," said Steve, trying to catch his breath, "didn't know you were so dirty."

"Neither did I." Ponyboy confessed. His face was burning, and Steve laughed when he noticed. Ponyboy smacked him. "It ain't funny!"

Steve stopped laughing, but his grin didn't fade. Ponyboy pouted and rolled over, arms crossed.

"Hey." Steve put an arm around him. "I'm just foolin' ya. Relax."

Ponyboy tried to hold the pout, but failed. "Yeah I know." He turned in Steve's arms. "We should clean up before Two-Bit and Darry come back."

Steve agreed, and they got up, gathering towels and making their way into the shower. It was a tight squeeze, but they managed, washing up and getting out. Ponyboy took some of Darry's clothes and gave them to Steve, gathering up all of the dirty clothes around and throwing them in the wash. The boys made their way into the living room, sitting beside each other on the chair.

"Steve?"

Steve grunted.

"Shouldn't we talk about what just happened?"

Steven pulled Ponyboy to him, arranging them until Ponyboy was resting on his chest. "Some things just don't need to be talked about, Pony."

Ponyboy wanted to argue, but he was comfortable, sleeping pulling on the edges of his consciousness where his nightmare had rudely woken him up, so he only nodded, letting sleep have him.

* * *

 **So fun fact, this isn't technically supposed to end as Steve/Ponyboy. I actually have a different ending written out. But if I get enough opposition, I'll change it if you prefer. Let me know in the comments!**


	7. Chapter 7: Together

**This chapter feels lacking, but I wanted to get it to you all since it's been a while since the last update. Fear not, this story will be finished no matter how long it takes. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Glory, Curtis, shake your leg any harder and the desk will jump out the door with ya."

Ponyboy turned to face Curly Shepard, sticking his tongue out at him. "Screw you, Curly, some of us are actually excited to get out of here. You know, graduating?"

Curly threw a piece of wadded up paper at him. "Fuck off, Curtis, I'm graduating too!"

"Yeah, and who'd you have to screw to get away with that?"

"A better babe than you'll ever get."

Some of the boys around them began to holler and rib at Ponyboy, but he only laughed. Curly was one of the few people who knew he was bisexual. Ponyboy had been drunk at one of the Shepard's parties and confessed it, head between his knees as he nursed a cup of cheap liquor. He hadn't remembered it the next day, not until Curly clapped him on the shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry Curtis, you ain't the only queer I know. Your secret's safe with me."

Surprisingly, Curly had kept it a secret. Not that he didn't joke on Ponyboy at every given opportunity.

While the others continued to talk about girls, Ponyboy turned back around, glancing at the clock again. Just a few more minutes, and they'd be free until the official graduation ceremony at the end of the week. No more tests or essays or homework until August. Ponyboy still felt nervous about going to college, but he had faith in his brother. Darry would always find a way for them - and so would their friends. Things were going to be a little bit easier with Two-Bit's paycheck, no matter how meager. And Steve... Ponyboy sighed, resting his chin on his hand.

He didn't know what exactly his relationship with Steve was. They hadn't spoken about it at all since it started a few weeks before. They'd had sex more than once since then, but Ponyboy had never had the nerve to ask about their status. He didn't really care if they were in a serious relationship or not - if Steve wanted to seek out pleasure with other people, it was his right. He just wanted to know for his own sake. Not knowing drove him crazy.

He jumped when a piece of paper hit him in the back of the head. He whirled around.

"Earth to Curtis," Curly said, "I was tryin to ask if ya wanted to hang out after we get sprung from this place."

Ponyboy shook his head. "I have work."

"Boo, you're always workin'!"

"Maybe you should try it sometime, or do you make good money in the reformatory?"

Another round of hoots and hollers rises, and Curly throws another wad of paper at him. The teacher doesn't even look up. The bell rings, and it's nearly a stampede as students gather up their stuff and hightail it out of the door. Ponyboy waved to people as he made his way out of the school. It was official. He'd be walking across the stage in a week, and starting college that fall. The sudden realization made him pause at the bottom of the steps. He was graduating. Their parents' dream, Darry's dream, his dream... Soda's dream. Thinking of his lost middle brother still made his chest hurt, and he sighed.

"Hey, Ponyboy!"

Ponyboy turned around, eyes widening. Darry, Two-Bit, and Steve were exiting a car he'd never seen before. They ran up to him, shoving him back and forth between them.

"Congrats, grease!" Two-Bit hollered, putting Ponyboy in a headlock and ruffling his hair. He pushed him into Steve, who bear hugged him before shoving him into Darry, who nearly crushed him. Ponyboy chuckled, face red, as people stared at the scene.

"I thought you guys worked today?"

"I do." Two-Bit said. "Steve here was giving me a ride, and Darry just wanted to see what being a passenger felt like."

The boys chuckled, and started walking back towards the car. Steve and Darry got in the front, and Two-Bit and Ponyboy in the back. Steve started up the car, driving off.

"Who's car is this?" Pony asked.

"A friend's." Steve answered. "He let me borrow it." He seemed happier than usual. All of the boys did. Ponyboy smiled to himself.

When they got to Two-Bit's job, he turned and pulled Ponyboy into another quick hug. "Proud of ya, Pony. I'll see you later." He got out of the car, and Steve started driving again. He turned the radio up, and Ponyboy mouthed along to the words. They pulled up to the Curtis House, and Darry turned around, giving Ponyboy another beaming smile.

"I'm so, so proud of you, Ponyboy. Have a good day at work, alright?"

Ponyboy nodded, jumping out of the car to give his older brother a tight hug before giving Darry his backpack to take into the house and jumping in the front seat. They drove off.

"How's it feel to be a graduate?" Steve asked.

"I'll let you know when I've crossed the stage." Ponyboy said, and Steve snickered.

"Hell, Ponyboy, you made it! The ceremony is for the parents and stuff. You did what you had to do and got through it. I'm real proud of you, but I'll deny it if you tell the other's I said that."

Ponyboy smiled to himself. Despite their relationship being unclear to him, he could always count on Steve to be, well, himself. It was strangely calming amidst all of the changes he'd gone through and was currently going through.

They pulled up to Ponyboy's job, and Steve turned to face him. "I'll be here to pick you up when you get off. I wanna celebrate with ya, but I'm not telling ya what we're doing."

Ponyboy rolled his eyes. "Lord help me. Okay. See you later." He hopped out of the car and waved to Steve before heading inside. His boss was sitting at the counter, but she looked up when he entered, squealing.

"Congrats on your last day, Ponyboy!"

"Thank you Ms. Kathleen." She slid off of the stole and he took her place. There was a small package on the counter with his name on it. He looked at Kathleen, who motioned for him to take it.

"I wanted to give you your graduation present early. Open it."

He tore the brown paper off of the gift. It was a book called The Eighth Day - Ponyboy had mentioned buying it to Kathleen once, but never did, since he gave most of his money to Darry to help with bills. It's not like he couldn't buy it, he just prefered giving Darry as much money as possible. He grinned as his boss, giving her a hug. "You remembered. Thanks."

"You're welcome, hon! I'll be in the office if you need me. Looks like another slow day ahead though, so I won't blame you for reading." She disappeared into her office, and Ponyboy cracked open his book.

* * *

Steve showed up at eight o'clock on the dot. Ponyboy said goodbye to his boss and made his way out to the car. Steven didn't say anything when he got in, just flashed him a smirk and drove off. Ponyboy rolled down the window and let the night breeze hit him.

"Where are we going?" Ponyboy asked after they drove for a while."

"There's a place I want you to see." Was all Steve said, and Ponyboy fell back into silence. After a few more minutes, they turned off the main road, and Ponyboy's eyes widened when he saw a lake. Steve parked a fair distance from it, shutting off the car.

"Two-Bit wanted to drag you back to that gay bar to celebrate, but I know you don't like bars. Though you might want to be somewhere quiet after all that school, and work. Plus, I wanted to talk to you. I've been doing some thinking."

"That's dangerous." Ponyboy said, and Steve smacked his shoulder. "What's up?"

"I was thinking... I feel like I took advantage of you, and I'm sorry."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we've been fooling around for a little bit, but I don't want you to think that I'm just using you for that. I actually wanted to ask ya… do you want to be together for real?"

Ponyboy's eyes widened. Of all the questions, he hadn't expected Steve to ask that one. Did he wanted to be with Steve? He was certainly attractive, and he'd known him for a while, so he was used to him. He was his dead brother's boyfriend, though…

"You don't have to say anything right now. I know this is weird, but like I said, I don't want you to be Soda. I don't expect this to be like what we had. If you don't wanna be boyfriends or nothing like that, we don't have to. But I at least want you to know that I care about ya. You're not just a quick fuck to me."

Ponyboy could feel his heart melt. Steve really had given it some thought. He leaned over, kissing the other man. "Yeah. We can try it."

Steve smiled. "Okay. Do you wanna stay here for a bit, or go back and see what else Two-Bit's cooked up?"

Ponyboy kissed him again, putting his hand on the crotch of Steve's jeans. Steve jumped in his seat. "Don't wanna go home yet."

"Jesus, Ponyboy, I just said you weren't a quick fuck."

"Then fuck me slow." Laughing, Ponyboy got out of the car, running towards the water. Right as he got to the edge of the lake, Steve caught him, spinning him around and pulling him into a kiss. He didn't know how they got on the ground, or where the hell his clothes went - only that Steve's lips were hot against his skin. Steven trailed kisses down his chest, nipping at the skin of his stomach.

Ponyboy's eyes shut as he heard the pop of the cap of lube. Steve opened him up, dragging his tongue along Ponyboy's body as he did so. He shucked off his own clothes before putting on a condom, grabbing Ponyboy's legs and hiking them up. He pushed in hard, smirking as Ponyboy cried out. "Lemme hear ya, Pony. You can be as loud as you want out here."

Wrapping his arms around Steve's neck, he continued to cry out and whimper as Steve fucked him with deep, slow strokes. Steve sucked a hickey into Ponyboy's neck and collarbone, panting against his skin. "Fuck, Pony…"

"St-Steve! Faster, _please_ …!"

"Nuh uh," Steve growled, raising himself up to look Ponyboy in the eye. "I'm gonna take you apart real slow. Just like you want."

Ponyboy moaned, a high, needy sound that make Steve's blood hot. Still, he kept his pace slow, stroking Ponyboy in time with his thrusts. Ponyboy wasn't sure how long Steve fucked him until his orgams struck, sudden but intense, his back arching as he came, painting his stomach and Steve's hand white. With just a few more thrusts, Steve was coming as well.

"Shit." Ponyboy muttered, throwing his arm over his eyes. "I hate what you do to me."

Steve chuckled against Ponyboy's skin. "Same here, kid. Same here."

When their energy returned, they got up and tried to clean themselves up, using tissues from the car's glove box. They sat in silence in the car for a bit, just enjoying each other's company. Ponyboy couldn't remember a time they'd done that before. Most of the time they spent together was filled with arguing, only ending when Soda stepped in. They're love for Soda was stronger than their hatred for each other, always had been. What did they have, now that he was gone? Steve had said he wasn't trying to replace Soda with Ponyboy, but what if he was and just didn't know it? What if the entire relationship was just a futile attempt to fill the hole left by Soda's absence?

"Hey, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy blinked, turning to look at Steve. The older boy's brows were furrowed, and he looked upset.

"Wherever you just went in your head, don't go back there. You looked like you were about to cry. Stay here in the moment with me, will ya?"

Ponyboy blinked again, then nodded. "Yeah. Sorry." He smiled. "Let's go see what dumb stuff Two-Bit wants to do."

Steve looked skeptical, but started the car. Ponyboy reached over and took Steve's hand in his own. The other boys mouth turned up in a smile. He was going to stay there, Ponyboy decided. No more daydreaming, no more sad reminiscing. He was going to stay in the moment with the others. They deserved that much.

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	8. Chapter 8: Reflection

**I know this update isn't long, but I wanted to give you guys something for being patient. Sorry for any mistakes, I'll review it when I can. I'm still a little uncertain of the plot, but I think I know what I'm doing now. Please enjoy!**

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Steve was pretty sure he'd die of boredom before the end of the week.

Taking a long drag of his cigarette, he sighed, watching the smoke exit his lungs. While he was grateful that his boss was willing to give him back his job, Steve couldn't help but be a little bitter about the replacement for Soda. He was a scrawny, redhead kid named Patrick who jumped at the sight of his own damn shadow and could barely identify a car, much less fix one. Which left Steve doing most of the car work while the little runt pumped gas and scared off the girls. When he wasn't doing that, he was accidentally finding ways to send Steve into a panic attack. The older boy was close to going off on him. Not for the first time, a longing for Soda's company ripped through him, making it hard to breathe. He leaned heavily against the wall, exhaling as he slid to the ground. He really, really missed Soda. The war had been hell. Just thinking about all of the killing he'd been forced to do, all of the fellow soldiers he'd seen die, made him sick to his stomach. And then the bomb…

Steve screwed his eyes shut, tossing the cigarette under his foot to crush it. He wished he was doing better. After he'd been discharged, he hadn't wanted to come back - not without Soda. The VA had set him up in a small apartment, helped him get a job in whatever town (he couldn't remember) working on cars because he was good at it, even if he couldn't walk too well at the time. They'd required him to go to physical therapy and to see a therapist twice a week. He'd hated it, but he did it, because what else did he have? The therapy helped, not that he'd admit it, and not that he'd ever tell anyone he even went. The therapist, Mr. Rocklin, had been fairly kind, and hadn't pushed him to talk. After a few sessions, Steve found himself spilling his guts and breaking down in tears. Mr. Rocklin hadn't judged him in the slightest, and that made everything else marginally bearable.

But he missed Tulsa. He missed his friends.

So he sold off what little he'd managed to collect and made his way back, hoping, at least, that the Curtis's still remained. He wouldn't know what to do if they had moved. Sure, he could have gone to Two-Bit's, but there was something about the Curtis house that really felt like home. It was the only place anyone had ever truly given a damn about him. He could have cried when he first saw the house, still full of junk. He peeked inside, relief flooding through him at the familiar furniture and pictures, but seeing picture of Soda sent him fleeing back outside, grief choking him. Instead he waited on the porch, only to be found by the kid.

Except he wasn't a kid anymore.

Ponyboy's face flashed in his mind, and he smiled in spite of himself. His new relationship with Ponyboy was interesting to say the least. He'd hated the kid in the past, felt like he never got any time alone with Soda, or do anything without some snot nose kid tagging along. Now, though… now, he looked forward to laying down beside Ponyboy, holding him close and kissing him breathless. The sex was nice, but just _being_ with Ponyboy was something he found himself really savoring. He'd taken up reading to Steve, his voice soft and smooth but still capturing and holding Steve's attention. Steve was slightly worried about dating him - they'd gotten together so fast, Steve had to be careful that he didn't hurt Ponyboy while he dealt with the scars the war gave him. He didn't want to become dependent on the younger boy, and he didn't want Ponyboy thinking he had to give anything up for him. He made a mental note to talk to him about it.

They hadn't officially come out as a couple to anyone, but Steve knew Darry and Two-Bit would ask eventually. Steve saw them watching how he interacted with Ponyboy, how close they always sat or softly they spoke to each other. He was shocked neither of them had come right out and asked.

"Hey man."

Steve nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Two-Bit's voice. The older greaser came and sat beside him, and Steve wordlessly handed him a cigarette. Two-Bit thanked him quietly, lighting it.

"What brings you down here?" Steve asked.

Two-Bit exhaled. "Wanted to talk to you about something."

"Is is about Ponyboy?"

"Should it be?"

Steve leveled his friend with a look, and Two-Bit huffed, nodding. "Yeah. It's about Ponyboy. Darry's a little worried, and to be honest, so am I. You've only been here a couple of weeks, man, and now you two are sleeping together? That's a little suspicious."

"How do you know we're sleeping together?"

"Darry and I only use so many condoms, Steve. And you two use a different brand. I may be a little slow, but I do notice these things." He took another drag of his cigarette. "What's your plan with him man? You do know Darry's gonna kill you if you hurt him, right?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "I ain't gonna hurt him, Two."

"Yeah, maybe not on purpose. But think about it. You hated Ponyboy for most of his life, and you were sleeping with his brother. You two got together almost as soon as you got back, and let's just remember that he stopped you from killing yourself. How's he supposed to know that you aren't just doing because you think you owe him something? Or worse - that you're just using him as a replacement for Soda?"

Steve's fist came so fast, Two-Bit didn't have time to block it, grunting at the impact. He held his cheek, looking up at Steve, who had jumped to his feet. His hands stayed fisted by his sides.

"Now hold on-"

"Screw you, Keith Mathews. I can't believe you'd even accuse me of that."

"I don't believe it." Two-Bit said, getting to his feet. "I don't. I don't think Darry does either. But we just have to make sure. Pony ain't a kid no more, but he went through a lot and is still learning a lot about the world. We just don't want him to get hurt, Steve. Whatever he's doing with you… it happened real fast."

Steve stared at him for a moment, chest heaving. Slowly, his fists unclenched, but his face remained angry. "I know. I've been thinking about it, too. This whole thing is confusing as hell, but I _ain't_ gonna hurt him. Alright?"

Two-Bit nodded slowly, still rubbing his cheek. "Okay. Just - Just be careful about it. Whatever you plan on doing, I think you should let Darry know. I know you say you ain't gonna hurt him, but Ponyboy's sensitive. He may get hurt whether you want him to or not."

Steve nodded, exhaling heavily and shoulders sagging. "I gotta get back inside."

Two-Bit nodded again, and Steve walked passed him. Before he got to the back door, he said, "Sorry about your face. I'll see you later." He went inside.

Two-Bit stood there a moment more before leaving.

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	9. Chapter 9: Upset

**Yay I'm back. Make sure to read all the way to the end, because I have something to say.**

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Something was wrong. Ponyboy could tell. Nothing in the house had changed, but every so often, he caught Darry or Two-Bit looking at him, concern on their faces. They swore he was seeing things, that he was just stressed out about graduation, but he _wasn't._ Even Steve was acting weird - he didn't touch Ponyboy as much, and was quiet most of the time. He still listened to Ponyboy read, but Ponyboy could tell that he was barely listening. All touching beyond kissing stopped as well.

The worst part about it was that they kept saying everything is fine, and it starting was starting to piss him off.

"Ponyboy, why are you frowning at the counter."

Head snapping up, he blinked at his boss. Kathleen raised as eyebrow.

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"About graduation?"

Ponyboy shook his head. "Home stuff. It's not big deal. I'll pay attention, sorry."

"It's alright. Things have been slow lately. Just don't ignore the customers." she chuckled. "I'll be in my office." She left, and Ponyboy sighed heavily. He straightened up as a few customers came into the store.

The traffic in the store picked up, and the rest of the day passed in a blur. Together, Kathleen and Ponyboy closed up the store. When he saw Steve's car, Ponyboy sighed again. He hated to think it, but he didn't want to see his boyfriend right then. He just wanted to be alone. He waved goodbye to his boss before getting in the car.

"Hey." Steve greeted him.

"Hey."

Steve stared at him for a moment. "What's wrong?"

"Just tired. Wanna go home."

Steve didn't reply, just started the car and drive toward the house. Silence between them was normal, but in that moment, you could have cut the tension with a knife. Ponyboy wanted to talk to him, but if Steve was going to act weird, so was he. They didn't speak again until they got to the house. Ponyboy moved to get out of the car, but Steve grabbed his sleeve.

"Hold on. I wanted to talk to you about something. Darry asked me if I wanted to move in officially, since I'm already kinda living here. I wanted to see how you felt about it."

If Ponyboy was honest, he was happy. Mr. Randle was still around, but any mention of him set Steve on edge, they found, so no one talked about him. Ponyboy hadn't mentioned it again, but he was still shaken over the Buck's incident - moving in kept Steve close and looked after. Ponyboy opened his mouth to say as much, but what came out was "That's fine."

"Fine?"

"Uh huh."

Steve stared at him again before letting go of his sleeve. Ponyboy got out of the car and headed into the house. He grunted a hello to Two-Bit, heading straight to the back. He didn't even realize he'd walked into his old room until he sat down on the bed, backpack between his legs. The room looked… empty without all of Soda's stuff in it, and Ponyboy felt tears sting his eyes. He missed his middle brother so much in that moment. Soda would've been honest with him about going on if he was there, and would know what to do.

 _But,_ Ponyboy thought, _would things even be like this if he was here?_

He lied down, curling into a ball. All of those feelings were too much - the nerves about graduating, the anxiety from the mood in the house, the ache in his chest for his dead brother - so he closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind. He didn't mean to fall asleep, but next thing he knew, his shoulder was being shaken. He opened his eyes to see Darry standing over him.

"Hey, Pony," he murmured, "you okay? Two-Bit and Steve said you seemed down."

Ponyboy rubbed his eyes, sitting up and shrugging. Darry sat down beside him, putting his arm around him. For a minute, neither spoke.

"I miss Soda." Ponyboy whispered.

"Me too."

"I miss being able to ask him for advice. I could really use some right about now."

Darry chuckled quietly, but didn't reply, and Ponyboy mentally kicked himself. "Sorry, Dar-"

"I understand. You and Soda were always a lot closer. I'm not mad, and I'm still here if you need me."

Ponyboy looked up at the ceiling. "I'm just… nervous, I guess. It's a little about graduation, but also, you guys have been acting kinda weird lately, but you all deny it. I just wish you guys would tell me the truth. I'm not a kid, I can handle it."

Darry sighed, pulling Ponyboy into a hug. Ponyboy hugged him back. It was true that he and Soda had been a lot closer, but in moments like this, he realized how much he took Darry for granted. He wasn't much for emotions, but he cared, and he loved Ponyboy no matter what. When they parted, Ponyboy was shocked to see his brother's eyes were wet.

"Sorry, Pony. I guess I forget that you aren't a little kid anymore. You grew up too fast, and I wish it hadn't happened. You should be working to have some extra pocket money and going out with friends, not working to help with bills and staying home all day." he sighed heavily, wiping his eyes. "You're right. Two and I have been kind of worried lately."

"Is it about me and Steve?" At Darry's surprised expression, Ponyboy chuckled. "That was the best guess."

Darry nodded. "Yeah, it's about you and Steve. We're just… worried. You two barely got along just a few years ago and now you're together, and - ya know."

"Having sex?" Ponyboy prompted, laughing as his brother's face turned red.

Darry clearly his throat. "Yeah, that. We just don't want you to get hurt. I want to trust you to make your own decision - can you promise me that you know what you're doing?"

Ponyboy bit his lip, considering his words carefully. "I can't promise you that I know. The only thing I can promise is that I'm not going into this blind. I know Steve has things to get through, and it's not like we're planning on moving out and starting a new life. We're just seeing where this is going for now. Nothing really serious."

Darry nodded, though he still looked a bit uncertain. "Okay. Just remember that if something happens, you can come to me or Two-Bit, okay? You're not alone." He ruffled Ponyboy's hair before standing up to leave. Ponyboy flopped back on the bed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes before jumping up to find Steve.

He was in the spare room, facing the wall. He didn't acknowledge Ponyboy as he came in and closed the door, but he turned over when the younger boy slid into the bed. "Hey."

"Hi."

"You okay?"

"Uh huh."

Steve looked like he wanted to say more, but instead he only pulled Ponyboy into his arms. He smelled like soap and the DX garage, and Ponyboy hummed softly.

"Hey, Ponyboy?"

"Hm?"

"You know where you're going to college?"

"I think so."

"We should tour it, or something. See if you really like it."

"That sounds nice."

Steve kissed his forehead. "You should go eat dinner before going to sleep."

Ponyboy groaned. "You sound like Darry."

"Don't be a pain, he's right most of the time." He sat up, pulling Ponyboy up with him, and Ponyboy sighed.

"I miss you touching me."

"What do you mean?"

"Darry told me what everyone's been weird about. That's why you stopped touching me, right?"

There was a brief silence, then, "Yeah. 'M sorry." He put his lips to Ponyboy's ears. "If you go eat dinner, we can lie together for a while, and I'll touch you as much as you want." He kissed under Ponyboy's ear, and the younger boy moaned softly.

"I hate you." He grumbled, getting up to go into the living room, Steve's laughter following him.

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 **So here's how it's going: I had a lot of plans when I first started this fic, but a lot of them didn't come to fruition when I decided that this would remain a Steveboy fic. As such, the next chapter might be the last. I had more drama planned, but it seems like that would be mostly filler than important to the plot. However, if you guys want that stuff, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. Bye all!**


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